"The black pant is back."
- slogan on a Gap billboard

So you've come crawling back. I can't believe your nerve. Did you have any idea how much I'd grown to depend on you when you left for who knows where? If it weren't for khakis and capris, I don't know how I would have gotten through it. And now you expect to come waltzing back, reclaiming your place in my heart and my closet.

Bastard.

I don't want to hear it. You always say it will be different this time, that you’ll stay, but then you’re gone again, off to "rework yourself", whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. And you come back, still the same black pant. Sure, you make some superficial changes. Last year’s boot cut is this year’s flare. But you’re still the same. Always the same.

I mean, just look at that tab waist band...it's...it’s like it used to be, when we first met. When we were happy.

Oh, hell. I just can't stay mad at you.

But I swear, if you even think of riding up I'll leave you for the black UtiliKilt and I’ll never look back.