Apparently I’m not the only pedestrian who has considered using unconventional means to teach bad drivers the value of courtesy and attentiveness, although I seem to be the only one whose name doesn’t start with "E"...

From Eric:

I say pedestrians should just carry aluminum baseball bats with which to defend ourselves. Comes in even handier when you come across an overly-sensitive car alarm.

From Emily:

When I was a blithe young thing, I lived in a seacoast tourist town, through which the main route whipped like the wind through Oklahoma. I worked at a shop with locations on either side of this main throughway, and needed to cross at the crosswalk a dozen times a day. As is inevitable when cars pass through the center of town at highway speeds, I was struck by a passing car once or twice every summer, despite my (no doubt negligent level of) caution. I devised (but never put into practice) two plans:

1) I planned to lay in a supply of bricks and fashion a template with which to stencil the four long sides with the state's laws regarding pedestrians and crosswalks. When a driver seemed in need of instruction or appeared to be in doubt, I would offer them this timely reminder by the shortest route possible, which usually seemed to be through the windshield. I do not advocate the destruction of property or the terrorizing of drivers, law-flouting or otherwise.

2) I located a disused but still serviceable pram, which I planned to outfit with balloons filled almost to bursting with strawberry Jello. I intended to push this with my on my daily route, and, in the event of a near-miss, push it ever-so-gently toward the oncoming car, causing the upending of the pram and the bursting of the distended Jello balloons, which would shower the hood and windshield with gory-looking globs of deep-pink gelatinous/liquid goo. I do not advocate, as I may have mentioned, the terrorizing of drivers, or indeed anyone. Nor do I any longer think it's a good idea to cause people to think they're responsible for the smushing of a baby.

I never went through with these for a variety of reasons. Since most of the traffic was tourist, i.e. transient, there was no learning curve to speak of. Also, as a teenager, I was already admittedly a bit of an oddnik, and didn't feel the urge to enhance this image by being that girl who pushes around a pram full of Jello. I usually satisfied myself with striking the hood with whatever I was carrying to or fro (oftentimes large bags of garbage, so very satisfying) while informing the driver pleasantly if loudly of the laws regarding crosswalks.

Still, I sometimes hanker for a pram and some balloons.

I’m with you there, Emily.