I accidentally typed "Janusary" in a report today, and briefly considered leaving it that way because I think every workplace could be a little more classical (except, perhaps, Classics departments in universities, which pretty much have it covered). The cube farm would be more satisfying if meetings could start like this:

BOB FROM HR: Where’s Bill?

HOMER FROM ACCOUNTING: He will not sally forth to fight, but gnaws at his own heart, pining for battle and the war-cry.

Or, conversely:

AGAMEMNON: Where’s Achilles? I want to get this budget review over with before lunch.

NESTOR: His schedule says "Off site meeting".

AGAMEMNON: Fine, we’ll go on without him. I think it’s clear that the Helen Project is suffering from serious scope creep. We’re ten years behind schedule, and the cost overruns are killing us.

TODD: I thought the Trojans were ki –

AGAMEMNON: Shut up, Todd. Alright, new items – Odysseus, what’s this about a giant wooden horse?

ODYSSEUS: It’s been cleared by the capital budget committee.

AGAMEMNON: But it says here it’s a gift. We can’t capitalize a gift.

ODYSSEUS: It’s really more like a ploy.

AGAMEMNON: Can we capitalize ploys?

NESTOR: I don’t think so – they’re pretty much one-time use, right?

AGAMEMNON: What about the R & D for the ploy?

NESTOR: Definitely an expense.

AGAMEMNON: Damn. The new helmets?

NESTOR: Those are capital.

AGAMEMNON: Spears?

NESTOR: Capital.

AGAMEMNON: Sacrifices to the gods?

NESTOR: Expense.

AGAMEMNON: Any way we can cut those?

ODYSSEUS: Not without jeopardizing the project.

AGAMEMNON: I want a risk analysis in my tent by the end of the day. Consultation with oracles?

NESTOR: Expense.

AGAMEMNON: Can we bring soothsaying in house?

NESTOR: Well, if we had a blind guy on staff....

AGAMEMNON: Great. Todd, you’re promoted to soothsayer.

TODD (as guards drag him away): Hey!

AGAMEMNON: Congratulations, buddy. Okay, now we can terminate the consultants.

NESTOR: You mean terminate their contracts.

AGAMEMNON: Whatever.