It's obvious that the masseuse is angling for a more generous tip when the first thing she says to me is, "I just have to ask – your form says you’re 32, but you made that up, right? You look 22."

Oh, honey, please. I don't look 22, and I don't look like a sucker.

I look 28.6, unless my prematurely gray roots have grown out, in which case I look 37.2.