I was standing in line waiting to buy my quarterly supply of tinte liquido en crema para el cabello (doesn't that sound better than "hair dye"?) when I noticed that the very first ingredient listed was Nonoxynol-4, cousin to popular contraceptive and discredited microbicide Nonoxynol-9. Funny, it never even occurred to me to think about what Nonoxynols 1-8 might be used for...

Nonoxynol-1: Herbicide
Nonoxynol-2: Fertilizer
Nonoxynol-3: Chemically inert, but prone to yelling, "You kids get off my lawn!"
Nonoxynol-4: Ingredient in hair dye, and, yikes, potential Endocrine Disruptor
Nonoxynol-5: Emulsifier
Nonoxynol-6: Sick of hearing "Why can't you be more like Nonoxynol-9?"
Nonoxynol-7: Industrial Solvent
Nonoxynol-8: That "New Car" Smell
Nonoxynol-9: Spermicide; voted Nonoxynol of the Year forty-eight times in a row